


Love Love Love

by LightsOut



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Comfort, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 17:19:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3177582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightsOut/pseuds/LightsOut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's life isn't easy but there is Steve so it all balances out really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Love Love

**Author's Note:**

> If you’ve never stretched out on a fluffy carpet or rug or anything comfortable on the floor and listened to music then you shouldn’t knock it until you’ve tried it  
> 
> Some of Bucky’s recovery was really dark but there’s no mention of anything specific from what I can tell in my fic. However, just in case, Bucky mentions a moment where he almost committed suicide but it didn’t happen and he has low self-esteem when it comes to his own self-worth but he is getting better. 
> 
> The song Bucky listens to, which is also the title of my fic, is 'Love Love Love' by Of Monsters and Men. I have no claim to it but I do love it. I think that music has a hell of a lot to say when we can’t find our own words.

Bucky was staring.

Of course, he was an ex-assassin/soldier whose current status was a grey area so it didn’t look like he was staring. In fact, it looked like he was glaring in the opposite direction.

However, he wasn’t the only scary assassin/status unknown in the room and he could see Natasha smirking in the corner of his eye. They were well matched but not even Bucky was free from the harsh scrutiny of the infamous Black Widow.

He was clutching a glass of champagne in his flesh and blood hand. It wasn’t any less deadly than his metal one but he pretended for appearances sake. As usual he was stood by himself as he watched the Avengers interact with rich socialites who were only there because Tony had invited them. It was clear that having more money than god outweighed the danger of associating with heroes who fought villains practically on a daily basis.

In all honesty, Tony hated the events as much as Bucky did. Bucky knew because he’d seen Tony in his workshop and it was obvious that the billionaire would rather be up to his elbows in elbow grease while AC/DC blared through the speakers through the best sound system on Earth. Besides, Bucky was all too aware of the difference between a fake smile and a real one.

Nobody wanted to talk to the Winter Soldier. He looked too rough. His smile was more of a grimace. His metal arm was a blatant warning that he was damaged goods. Bucky knew how the public felt about him. However Bucky had saved some school children and then he’d saved all of the Avengers lives at one point or another because they kept Steve sane in a world where nothing made sense. That meant that he was dragged along to big events like a pet.

Thanks to the leaked HYRDA information (thank you ‘Tasha) everyone knew that he was the weapon that had killed Tony Stark’s parents. Bucky had avoided Tony like the plague when Steve had first dragged him to the tower. Apparently Tony didn’t like being ignored (which was a surprise only to Bucky) and he’d taken matters into his own hands. Tony had burst into Steve’s living room where Bucky had been hiding out on his sofa. He’d not put on his armour and instead of trying to kill him Tony had told Bucky that he was a dick and deserved a drink for trying to shake off seventy years’ worth of HYDRA conditioning.

Bucky had learned three things that night. The first was that Tony blamed HYDRA and his uncle for the death of his parents, not Bucky. He’d also learned that Tony’s issues with his parents was very complicated. The last thing he’d learned was that Tony was terrifyingly capable when he was drunk whereas it just made Bucky want to sleep for the first time since he’d started to remember his past. That alcohol-infused good night’s sleep was a secret between Tony and Bucky and they’d never repeated it.

That was why Bucky was stood with a glass of champagne in the first place. Their drunken bonding had led them to a place where even Bucky could admit that he would rather save the guy than kill him and Tony had taken their time as a sign he could persuade Bucky to do anything. That wasn’t quite true. Bucky had planned to turn down the team when they’d asked him to join them at the charity event (Bucky had no idea what it was for but nobody wanted to talk to him so he didn’t particularly care as long as somebody somewhere was getting the help that they deserved) but then Steve had asked him to join them. Bucky equally loved and hated Steve for asking because he had a hell of a time turning him down. Actually, he couldn’t remember saying no to Steve at any point unless Steve had been in danger.

That was why Bucky was staring out of the window, because he could see Steve’s reflection as he charmed a group of older women who probably bathed in money every morning. He couldn’t help watching Steve but he refused to be obvious about it. Once he’d begun to regain his memories it had been like a flood that couldn’t be stopped and he’d honestly placed the barrel of a gun against his temple at one point. He’d figured that he was going crazy. When he’d failed to pull the trigger because his mind brought up memories of Steve both before and after they’d super-sized him (Bucky’s metabolism meant that super-sizing was very important) he’d sat and cried for hours. He was just grateful that he’d chosen to sit in an abandoned warehouse and nobody had seen him.

Even then he’d recognised that his feelings were fond, protective and a thousand other things. Bucky still wasn’t sure when those feelings had morphed into love but he was tired. He was tired of fighting and he was tired of hiding. He was just tired of everything.

At that thought Bucky placed his half-filled champagne glass on an empty tray and he slipped from the room. He loosened the tie and cuffs on the suit Tony had insisted upon as he walked down the corridor. Natasha’s voice called out, “You could stay.”

Bucky paused mid-step and turned to give her a wry grin, “Not tonight.”

She sauntered closer, “Hot date?”

Bucky snorted and drawled, “Sure, who wouldn’t want to date a cyborg? According to Tony they’re the newest appeal in science fiction porn.”

Natasha wrinkled her nose in disgust, “I don’t even know where to start with that.”

Bucky laughed, “Neither do I. Have fun.”

Natasha let him go, “You too.”

Bucky walked back to the tower because he’d destroyed enough cars to be dubious about how safe they were. The air was cold but it wasn’t enough to trigger anything in Bucky’s mind. Instead it just felt kind of nice against his warm skin and he kept his metal hand firmly in his pocket so that it was out of sight.

When he stepped inside of the elevator of Avenger’s Tower JARVIS asked, “Which floor, Mr Barnes?”

Bucky pulled a face, “Steve’s room. I don’t want to be in the way when everyone gets back.”

JAARVIS didn’t reply but the elevator started to move. Steve’s floor was basic but surprisingly homey for something that Stark had built. It had high ceilings and it was mostly open plan so Bucky felt good about having so many sightlines open. Some of Steve’s artwork was hanging on the walls although Bucky was unsure if the Avenger’s knew that it was by their Captain.

Bucky draped his suit jacket on the armchair and kicked off his shoes. He’d come a long way from being HYDRA’s personal popsicle but having the option of whether or not he should wear shoes still felt like a novelty. He made himself a sandwich and once he’d eaten he washed up.

He decided to change because he didn’t want to ruin the only nice suit he owned and once he was wearing a pair of black sweatpants he walked back into the living room. He shifted the coffee table to one side so that there was plenty of room on the rug, grabbed the wireless headphones and said, “Play _Of Monsters and Men._ ”

Bucky liked the band mostly because he’d found it himself and it wasn’t be of the many recommendations that the others had given him. Then there was the fact that one of the songs was painfully relatable but Bucky couldn’t stop listening to it. He closed his eyes and mouthed along to the words.

 

_Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men_

_Well, maybe I am a crook, for stealing your heart away_

_Yeah, maybe I am a crook for not caring for it_

_Yeah, maybe I am a bad, bad, bad, bad person_

_Well, baby I know_

_And these fingertips_

_Will never run through your skin_

_And those bright blue eyes_

_Can only meet mine across the room filled with people who are less important than you_

_All ‘cause you love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love you_

_So I think its best we both forget before we dwell on it_

_The way you held me so tight_

_All through the night_

_‘Til it was near morning_

_Cause you love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love you_

_All ‘cause you love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love_

_When you know I can’t love you_

Bucky wasn’t sure how long he’d been listening to the song on repeat as he’d started to doze but when the headphones were suddenly pulled off his head he jumped to his feet. Thankfully, instead of attacking he slipped into a defensive stance. Bucky felt a brief moment of victory (Suck it HYDRA!) and then he glared at Steve.

“What the hell Rogers?”

Steve was frowning, “You came home by yourself to lie on our floor and listen to music?”

Bucky grabbed his headphones and cradled them against his chest, “Yeah. I agreed to stay for a bit and I did. I hope that you raised lots of money for the kids or trees or whatever those rich people were talking about.”

Steve was using his sad puppy dog expression, “You told JARVIS that you didn’t want to be in the way.”

Bucky glared in the general direction of the wall, “Traitor. Look, Steve, it’s no big deal. I was tired and I just wanted to come home and relax.”

Steve smiled because Bucky used the word ‘home’ and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds. Bucky mentally rolled his eyes at himself. Steve flopped down on the sofa and pulled off his tie, “You should’ve said something. I was so bored but I’d promised Tony that I would distract those women while he tried to wrangle a deal with their sons. Wealthy people are strange.”

Steve stretched and Bucky watched him in the reflection of the window. He shook his head at himself and turned off his music since that Steve had settled. Steve picked up his sketchbook and kicked off his shoes.

“If you want to keep listening to music I don’t mind.”

Bucky felt too self-conscious, “No. I’m alright.”

Steve’s pencil started to move and sometimes Bucky was worried about how calm the sound made him feel. Bucky flopped down onto the couch next to Steve and made sure that there was space between them. Steve asked, “What were you listening to?”

Bucky mentally reminded himself that Steve couldn’t know why the song affected him so much so he answered honestly, “It’s a band called _Of Monsters and Men_.”

Steve hummed, “I’ve not heard of them. JARVIS, can you please play it through the speakers?”

Bucky resisted the urge to flinch when JARVIS played _Love Love Love_ because Bucky had been listening to it on repeat. Bucky stayed stock still while the song played. As it drew to a close and moved onto the next one Steve said thoughtfully, “I like it, but it’s sad.”

Bucky shrugged, “Maybe.”

Bucky dozed lightly while Steve sketched. When the album reached Bucky’s favourite song again Steve asked, “Why do you like this song Bucky?”

Bucky would deny that he panicked but he could see how someone could mistake the way he fell off the sofa as a desperate attempt to derail the conversation. He almost wished that he could claim he’d done it on purpose. Steve hadn’t even looked away from his drawing.

Bucky crawled back onto the sofa, “It’s a good song Steve. I just like it.” Steve hummed thoughtfully and Bucky huffed, “Fine, it’s relatable. Why are you so interested?”

Steve smirked, “I’m not the one who is making a big deal out of it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Punk.”

Steve’s smile grew, “Jerk.”

Bucky relaxed, “Did everyone come back or did you draw straws?”

Steve put down his drawing, “I thought that you’d ducked out with Natasha but then she came back without you.”

Bucky frowned, “What is that look for? I’ve seen you do that before but it was a long time ago. Wait, do you think that we’re dating? Oh my god, Steve! I’m not suicidal. Besides I like…” Bucky clammed up and stood abruptly, “I just remembered that I left something in the oven.”

Bucky was extremely aware that he’d given Steve the worst excuse ever but that didn’t stop him from leaving the room. He contemplated trying to give himself concussion but there was nothing in the kitchen that would be quiet enough to fill out the task without drawing Steve’s attention. Bucky didn’t have to worry about that because Steve had followed him anyway. Bucky didn’t even pretend to check the oven but he did grab the orange juice in the fridge and he finished the bottle in one gulp.

Steve was frowning, “Natasha’s a lovely woman, when you get to know her, and she’s obviously beautiful. If you don’t like her, then who do you like?”

Bucky wondered if throwing himself off the top of the tower would give him permanent brain damage. It was becoming increasingly tempting to try and find out.

Bucky shook his head, “It’s not important Steve.”

“Of course it’s important. I want you to be happy. What’s her name?”

Bucky cringed. He was grinding his teeth as he spat out the words, “It’s not a dame. Now, leave it alone.”

Steve looked surprised, “A guy? Huh, I didn’t see that coming. I’ve got to say Buck’ you always seemed very interested in women but it’s a brave new world now, right? Everyone knows that I was thrilled when I found out gay marriage was legalised in New York.”

It was Bucky’s turn to be surprised, “It is?”

“Oh yeah. It’s great. I bet you’re glad that you’re not the only one who has to deal with being attracted to guys and girls after growing up in the thirties.”

Bucky led his head fall down to rest on the table top, “It doesn’t matter Steve.”

“I want you to be happy Buck’.”

Steve wasn’t going to drop the subject and Buck was losing his patience. He lifted his head, ignored all of the reasons why it was a bad idea and he kissed Steve. It was quick and perfect and then Bucky walked around Steve, “I’m going to bed.”

Before he could get very far Steve reached out and tugged him back. Steve looked elated but his voice was rough and hopeful, “You call that a kiss, soldier?”

All of Bucky’s fears melted and he gave Steve his best, cocky smirk, “Maybe you should show me how it’s done, Captain.”

The challenge was just icing on the cake as Steve gripped him tightly and kissed Bucky like his life depended on it. Bucky gave as good as he got and he was only vaguely aware that both of his hands were tangled in Steve’s hair while Steve was bending him over the kitchen counter and grinding their hips together. The kiss slowed until it was gentle and that did more to take Bucky apart than anything else.

Bucky closed his eyes tightly and didn’t let go of Steve even as the super soldier had to lean back to breathe deeply. Bucky gasped and hopped up onto the counter so that he could wrap his legs around Steve’s hips properly. He loved Steve’s narrow hips and the way he felt against him.

Steve sucked on Bucky’s neck when he tugged his head down gently. Steve growled, “I’m not fucking you against the kitchen counter for our first time.”

Bucky groaned happily, “If you say ‘fucking’ in front of Tony I’ll let you fuck me wherever you want.”

Steve chuckled, “It is fun, but I mean it Bucky. I want to do this properly. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

Bucky’s arousal cooled slightly, “You’ve thought about this?”

Steve nodded slowly and Bucky couldn’t look away from his warm blue eyes, “I’ve always thought about you, Buck’. You’re my best friend and I’ve been in love with you for more than seventy years.”

Bucky would deny until his dying day that he whimpered when Steve told him that he loved him for the first time. Bucky pulled Steve closer because he needed to know that the moment was real. He honestly believed that he would die if it wasn’t.

Bucky curled against Steve and buried his face in the crook of Steve’s neck. Despite the position Bucky’s words were strong and determined when he answered, “I love you Stevie. I love you so goddamn much that it scares me.”

Steve just cuddled Bucky tightly, “Me too, but you’re worth it Buck’. You’ll always be worth it.”

Steve led Bucky slowly to the bedroom, holding onto him in case he tried to bolt and Bucky’s emotions were all over the place. He’d gone from grinding against Steve to almost crying like a little boy within minutes because Steve loved him. Bucky had never realised that feeling out of control could feel so good but he knew that Steve would be there to bring him back down to earth.

Steve pushed Bucky gently onto the bed and waited until he was settled before he kneeled above him and started to slowly undo the buttons of his crisp white shirt. Bucky had already undone a few during their frenzied groping and kissing so Steve didn’t have many to go but he took his time. It was the best and most intimate stripping Bucky had ever seen.

Bucky wasn’t sure what Steve had seen in his expression but Steve’s cheeks suddenly flushed pink and Steve pulled off his shirt. Steve’s chest was broad and Bucky wanted to lick it but he stayed where he was, resting against the pillows with his hands against the bed, so that Steve was the one who leaned forward and kissed Bucky.

Steve lifted both of Bucky’s hands, encouraging him to touch, and Bucky placed them gently on Steve’s hand. He’d never felt so aware of delicate muscle and skin underneath his metal hand, but Steve didn’t shy away from the contact. Instead he arched into it and Bucky’s hands started to explore the dips and curves of Steve’s skin. Steve’s didn’t stop kissing Bucky as his own hands moved to touch Bucky’s chest.

His hands eventually moved down to Bucky’s waist and he broke off the kiss to pant softly, “Is this okay?”

Steve toyed with the waistband of Bucky’s sweatpants and Bucky lifted his hips, “Yeah, get ‘em off and then we can deal with yours.”

Steve chuckled, giving Bucky a wicked grin and he leaned down to kiss him again, “Sweet talker. I don’t know how I ever resisted you.”

Bucky winked, “You didn’t.”

Bucky flipped them over and hummed obnoxiously while he undid Steve’s trousers. Steve shook his head and canted his hips, “Is that? Oh my god Bucky. You’re humming _Call me maybe_?! You are such a dick.”

Bucky grinned and grabbed Steve’s shaft, “Speaking of dick’s…”

Steve shook his head and cursed softly but he didn’t kick Bucky out of bed. Bucky stopped thinking about teasing Steve fairly quickly when Steve’s long fingers wrapped around his shaft and started to move in time with Bucky’s strokes. Bucky had a lot of things he wanted to try with Steve and now that he was being encouraged to think about the possibilities he suspected that he wasn’t going to last as long as he’d like.

Bucky panted, “Fuck, you might want to slow down Stevie…”

Steve nodded, “Next time Buck’, I swear I’ll fuck you next time.”

Bucky lost it and came with a long, quiet groan. Steve looked gorgeous and Bucky quickened his strokes, “Come on, baby. Come.”

When Steve came he was louder. He almost shouted Bucky’s name and a part of Bucky was preening at that. The rest of him was too busy flopping to the side so that he didn’t crush Steve and floating on his post-orgasmic high.

Eventually Steve rolled to face Bucky and he said thoughtfully, “Another ten minutes and I’m good to go again. What’s your refractory period like?”

Bucky snorted into the pillow and raised an eyebrow in challenge, “I don’t know. Want to find out?”

The next morning Bucky woke up slowly instead of all at once. As soon as JARVIS registered him stirring he started to speak, “James ‘Bucky’ Barnes, you are in Avenger’s Tower. It is 8 a.m. on Saturday morning. Captain Rogers has been gone for forty-five minutes for his morning run and he is en-route back to the Tower. Agent Romanov and Dr Banner are making pancakes in the common room kitchen.”

Bucky spoke up, “Alright, thank you JARVIS.”

Bucky appreciated the A.I.’s efforts to keep him sane. Every morning the A.I. would remind him of who and where he was. Bucky never said thanks to Tony outright because the engineer hated that but, Bucky would occasionally let Tony look at the arm in his own way of showing his gratitude. Bucky would never understand the excited light in Tony’s eyes whenever he was face to face with the arm but he couldn’t begrudge the engineer the opportunity to make it better. Tony thrived on progress.

Bucky dressed lazily in sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt before he made his way downstairs. He settled into a seat at the table and watched the Black Widow and the Hulk move around the kitchen. Bucky was convinced that the public wouldn’t be so in awe if they could see Bruce with flour in his hair or Natasha in an ‘I hate Loki’ t-shirt and sweats but secretly Bucky was glad that it was a part of their world that he was allowed to see.

Tony stumbled into the room looking like he’d been mauled. Bucky though about the night before but there’d not been anyone at the party that Tony had showed any interest in before he’d left. Tony yawned, grumbled wordlessly at the coffee maker for a bit and then sat down next Bucky with his face drooping dangerously close to the dark liquid. Bucky watched carefully in case he started to fall asleep into his drink and then Clint sauntered into the room looking like he’d just won the lottery.

Clint beamed at them all, “Good morning.”

Bucky heard Natasha mutter. “Uh oh.”

Clint kissed her on the cheek, “You look absolutely gorgeous Natasha, as always. Oh. Bruce, you always know exactly what I need. Pancakes are the best.”

Bruce looked startled and Natasha looked like she was ready to throw the entire knife block at the archer. Clint patted Bucky on the head, a move that was too surprising and suicidal for Bucky to react and then the blonde slid into the chair next to Tony and kissed him on the cheek, “Good morning, lovely.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and Natasha sighed loudly. Tony mumbled something wordlessly but he did lean closer to Clint and he wasn’t falling asleep into his coffee anymore. Bucky was too disturbed to sit next to them so he stood up and joined Natasha by the sink, “Did they…?”

Natasha grimaced, “Clint is only happy when he’s getting laid.”

Bucky pulled a face, “But they’re…”

“Dysfunctional? Yeah.”

“I was going to say…”

“Straight? I can see how you might think that, but Clint doesn’t care and Tony’s bisexual.”

“This is…”

“Wrong? Weird? Completely inappropriate?”

“I was actually going to say nice… and when it ends in a big fiery explosion I’ll be in the Caribbean sipping on a Long Island Iced Tea with a book in my hand other hand.”

Natasha eyed the engineer and the archer wearily, “I’ll join you.”

Bucky stayed and put up with Clint’s happy demeanour and Tony’s zombie impression because there was pancakes. Bucky was just finishing his last pancake when Steve walked into the room. Steve frowned at him slightly, did a double take at the way Clint was draped over Tony and finally he took the plate of pancakes Bruce offered him.

Steve didn’t sit down and he glared at Bucky, “Why did you get out of bed?”

Bucky shrugged, “You were gone and there were pancakes.”

Steve nodded at the door, “Up. You have seventy years to make up for.”

Bucky chuckled, “Oh, Captain, when you say things like that it makes me all tingly.”

Bucky was well aware that they were putting on a show for the other Avengers. He was also aware that Steve loved it even if his expression was stern, “Don’t make me tell you twice, Barnes.”

Bucky chuckled and, after a moment’s hesitation, he grabbed the bottle of maple syrup, “You’re going to need something sweet for desert Rogers.”

Bucky stood up and when he was close enough Steve leaned in and said softly, “I still haven’t fulfilled my promise.”

Bucky gently grabbed the plate from Steve and sauntered to the elevator, “You’d better hurry up before your pancakes get cold.”

Tony’s, “What the fuck?” followed them all the way upstairs but Bucky didn’t care when he had Captain America groping him in the elevator. Steve was right, they had waited seventy years but they weren’t wasting any more time.


End file.
